Your Guide to Summer In The Catskills!
Hello! If you’re reading this, please stop. It’s a holiday weekend and your family wants to spend time with you.
“Mommy, please play with us! You’re always reading Substacks,” your kids whine.
“Shut up,” you snort, knocking back your third white sangria. “This isn’t just a ‘Substack’. This is Matt Koff’s Schmuck Mountain. It’s full of wry observations about cabin life and nature. The prose is fluid yet dynamic. The content is funny and at times even poignant.”
“It’s a very thoughtfully written newsletter, I’ll give you that,” your husband Kent chimes in from the grill. “Every installment displays a commitment to meticulous craftsmanship rarely witnessed in the domain of free internet content. Still, Margaret, our children need a mother.”
By now you’ve stopped listening. You’re too lost in the waves of hypnotic prose that constitute this post. Also, you’re trying to fish out a Chardonnay-soaked orange slice from the bottom of your glass.
This is not the life you wanted.
Happy 4th, everyone! There’s no doubt that the Catskills are beautiful year-round, but summer is when the region truly comes alive.
Here are some exciting community events coming up this week that are not to be missed!
The 9th Annual Terrible Jewelry Festival
Local vendors from across the region gather to display garish necklaces, tacky bracelets, and pendants that will literally make you puke. All at prices guaranteed to have you asking “who buys this shit?”
Yoga for the Permanently Broken (featuring Brady!)
Are you unloveable, stupid, or just generally defective and useless? Then come stretch it out with this outdoor yoga class. Taught by Brady!
Pig Roast & Bluegrass Night
Come feast on the burnt flesh of an innocent animal while pretending to enjoy a genre of music that has never once made it into the Top 40. Featuring a bunch of bands that all have the word “creek” in their names for some reason.