Three Wellness Tips
“It is health that is the real wealth,
and not pieces of gold and silver,
you fat materialistic fuck.
Feel my abs!
Seriously, feel them.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
Good morning!
We did it, folks! Another week of pandemic winter in the hamper!
Ya know, one of the great things about living in seclusion is having time to reflect on my own needs, be they mental, physical, or emotional.
So, this week I thought I’d pass on three tips and tricks that are keeping me sane during this trying time.
Three Wellness Tips
Drink enough water.
I know it’s a cliche, but drinking water isn’t just important physically, but it can help maintain your mental equilibrium. So keep snarfin’ the wet stuff!
Breathe!
Seriously! You’d be amazed at how just taking a single deep breath can calm your nervous system. So keep those motherlovin’ lungs a-pumpin’!
Go for a walk.
Going for a walk is, hands down, my favorite way to relax and refocus. And just because it may be dark out doesn’t mean you can’t go for a quick stroll!
Last night at 8pm, I was feeling antsy but lazy. Then I said “screw it! I need some fresh air.”
At first, it was difficult to shake off those voices of anxiety and guilt that had been rumbling in my head all day.
“Must be nice, the world is burning while you’re all warm and toasty in your cabin.”
“Must be nice, millions of people are hungry while you sit at home in your cabin, shoving Medoola dates into your mouth like a gout-plagued Persian king.”
“Must be nice, students struggling to find an internet connection to do their schoolwork while you re-watch Freaks & Geeks, which is finally available for streaming after a years long battle for music rights. Man, what a great show.”
“Must be nice.”
“Must be nice!”
“MUST BE NICE!!!”
Then, in the cold and darkness of winter, suddenly I felt a warming sensation.
Then, I heard a gentle voice.
“Matthew, do not fret.”
I looked up, and there he was.
“It is I, Galaxy Wolf. I’ve been sent here from the Alpha OmegaTron Intragalactic StarBoard. I’m here to bring you a message.”
“What is it?”
“Heed my words, for they have been commissioned by the SubLunar Federation #3 of the WolfDrameda Strain: Sweet Matthew, you need not worry. Trust in the goodness inside of you. While you may not always feel it, it is always in you, flowing like a subterranean ice-river under the Clavius Crater of the moon of Europa.
“Galaxy Wolf, I’ve always felt that what you’re saying is true. But… how do I channel that goodness of which you speak?”
Suddenly, Galaxy Wolf’s color had changed to an incandescent blue, and he was holding… a bouquet of roses?
“Matthew, look upon my many space-flowers. Like you, they continue to grow throughout time. You face many struggles. I know this, because I’ve been listening in on your Zoom therapy sessions. Whenever you feel you are being pulled down into an endless, interstellar vortex, have faith that prevail you shall.”
For the first time in a long while, I could feel a sense of hope swelling in my heart.
“Above all, bask in that knowledge that you have purpose, Matthew. You exist… for a reason.”
“But what? What is my true purpose?” I asked.
“You, my son,” Galaxy Wolf continued, “you were brought into this universe for one reason and one reason alone: to subscribe to my Patreon.”
I stood there in the snow, confused.
“Hear me out. For only $2 a month, you can become a ‘Wolf Warrior’, which gives you access the full back catalog of my iHeartRadio-Award-nominated podcast, Growling and Growing with Galaxy Wolf. Or for $5 a month, you can get an advance copy of my new book, Howling and Healing, written by Galaxy Wolf (with Gary Jensen).”
“Uh,” I stumbled. “That sounds great. I’ll probably wanna listen to your podcast before I become a paying subscriber, though.”
Galaxy Wolf looked confused. His eyes began to glow two separate colors. And these weird gassy things seemed to be leaking out of them for some reason.
“Ooookay then. Have it you way.”
“I mean, I’m sure it’s great, I just wanna—”
But before I could finish, Galaxy Wolf had disappeared into the starry night sky.
Ultimately, my conversation with Galaxy Wolf wasn’t as life-changing as I’d hoped it would be, but on the bright side, I reached my daily stepcount!
GO FOR A WALK!
Have a great weekend!
ANTIQUE OF THE WIQUE
There’s a lot of antiques stores here in upstate New York. You’ll find a new discovery here every week!
This week’s antique is……..
A framed autographed headshot of Dan Willis.
That’s right, THE Dan Willis!