It's Store-Bought Fortune Cookie Time, Motherfuckers!

There’s a lot of things I miss about normal life.

I miss going to the movies.

I miss going bowling.

I miss going to the local bookstore, finding my next read, and buying it on Amazon.

But most of all, I miss restaurants. So perhaps it was kismet that we were at the local supermarket in Walton NY two days ago and found this.

Guys, Upstate New York is a wonderful place. Where else can you buy a box of fortune cookies at the store? Not Trader Joe’s, not Whole Foods, not anywhere. They probably don’t even sell them in China.

Seeing these fortune cookies felt like running into an old friend. I was excited, and not just because I desperately need something to be excited about!

We went home and cracked open all the cookies, because, why not? No waiters, No rules, baby!

Now obviously fortune cookies are just a novelty, and yet, a small part of me was hoping to find that one magic fortune that would make me feel a tiny bit better about the state of the world.

Reading these really brought me back. I’d totally forgotten how lame fortune cookies are.

“Deep faith eliminates fear”? That sounds like something you’d pull out of Baby Yoda’s diaper.

Normally you can’t really get mad if your fortune kind of sucks, because it comes free with the meal. But now there was no meal! Now I was just a sucker in a cabin who’d blown a hard-earned $1.99 on some shitty cookies.

It made me want to write a sequel to Forrest Gump, just so I could include the line “Life is like a box of fortune cookies: you never know what you’re gonna get, but you will almost certainly be disappointed.”

If I sold fortune cookies, I’d do it right, and call it “Matt Koff’s Incredibly Specific Fortune Cookies.”

Now that’s what I call fortune-telling!


There’s a lot of antique stores in upstate New York. You’ll find a new discovery here every week!

This week’s antique is……..

700 Sundays by Billy Crystal.

Is this old enough to be an antique? I found it in an antique store, so I think that counts! Looks like a fun read, maybe!