How To Make It In Comedy

Also, my new comedy special CAT MAN premieres on YouTube tonight at 8pm EST!

Early in my standup career, I auditioned at a famous New York City comedy club, one that I’d always dreamed of working at. I had a killer set, but the booker said, “you’re not bad, but you’re not ready yet.”

Determined, I tried again 2 years later. An even better set. I crushed. I destroyed. Perhaps the best set of my young career. No dice.

Then, I tried a different approach.

I started showing up at the club’s restaurant for dinner. Night after night, I’d sit there in the corner booth, ordering and eating as many of their comedy-themed menu items as I could. Silly Sliders, JalapeNo-You-Didn’t Poppers, and for dessert, their Signature Tee-hee-hee-ramisu.

By the end of the year, I ballooned up to 400 lbs. My body became bloated and tired. Stretch marks started to appear on my stomach and thighs. I developed hypertension and fatty liver disease. But still, I showed up each night, eating and eating.

Eventually, I got to audition a third time. I went back on that stage, and I kid you not: it broke. The floorboards buckled under my extreme girth. I was rushed to the Mount Sinai ER where 17 large splinters were removed from my body. To make matters worse, I’m currently being sued by the club for property damage.

My special CAT MAN premieres on YouTube tonight at 8pm EST.

CAT MAN PREMIERE LINK.

Watch it, share it, and don’t forget to smash that like button. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish my Ha-Ha-Hummus Platter.