Last Saturday I was voted "NY's Funniest Stand-up" at The New York Comedy Festival.
That's right. Voted. I am a democratically-elected NY's Funniest Stand-up.
When I was first invited to join the competition, in which I was to face off against 9 other hopefuls, I was very humbled and flattered. But at the same time, I also resented it.
Why should I have to stack myself up against other comics? It's toxic. The whole point of stand-up comedy is self-expression. How can one person's art be "better" than anyone else's?
Those thoughts are now a distant memory. I now firmly believe that all comedy contests are a good and valuable public service. How else are audiences supposed to know who the best one is?
I had no expectation of winning this contest. It was a 3:30pm show— not great for live comedy— and I was up first. At the end of the show, when my name was announced and I saw my face projected on the big screen with the words “funniest” underneath, I was in absolute shock. Days later, I still find it hard to believe. Receiving an award for something you’ve been doing for 20 years—and planned to keep doing until you die—is a really, really good feeling.
I was also grateful to have my mom in the audience, in the center aisle, unabashedly scowling at every comic who wasn’t me.
Moments like these, it’s important to have a pet. There's a good chance that a catless Matt Koff would have gone on a cocaine-fueled bender at Studio 54, only to be tragically fished out of the East river days later.
Instead, I had a beer with some good friends, went home, scooped my little Ardsley's feces into a Whole Foods produce bag, and then did a bunch of coke. (Or maybe it was litter. Either way, it did the job.)
Congratulations, Matt! Leonardo DiCaprio applause GIF!